Star Wars Guide to the US Presidential Candidates

For those of you who have no idea who are the leading candidates running for the US Presidential elections, here's a Star Wars Guide to the Candidates to help you out:

Hillando Clintrissian (aka Hillary Clinton)

Here's the thing. The Millenium Falcon was hers to begin with. She only lost it to Bill on a bet. Then she got caught up in that whole Cloud City thing in the Bespin system, which proved she could govern, I guess, but she's kinda hoping you won't remember that she totally sold out the Rebels to Darth Vader. That's how J'han Solo wound up encased in Carbonite and Leia ended up in a bikini on a chain. Hmmm. Actually, not so bad! And Hillando did do some nifty piloting against the New and Improved Death Star. Didn't she also record "Caribbean Queen (No More Love On The Run)"?