Bad Sex in Fiction Award

Congratulations to author Rachel Johnson for winning this year's Bad Sex in Fiction Award. Here's an excerpt from her book Shire Hell. You can also read excerpts from other books that are shortlisted for the award. From Guardian:

JM comes over and pushes me gently back down on the fake fur. I try to rise up to kiss him – it's so lovely, the kissing – but he pushes me down, again. He likes to kiss me all over before he does anything else. He starts with my eyes, and plants a tender kiss on each lid.

… He moves on to my ears, a kiss that makes my nipples stand erect, and me emit little moans that drown out to my own ears the loud, distracting sound of Cumberbatch swiping dock leaves and tearing nettles and long grasses very close to the rickety stoop.

JM's hands are caressing my breasts, now, and I am allowed to kiss him back, but not for long, for he breaks off, to give each breast the attention it deserves. As he nibbles and pulls with his mouth, his hands find my bush, and with light fingers he flutters about there, as if he is a moth caught inside a lampshade.