Monday, May 15, 2006

The person I want to meet in heaven

In the brilliant book, The Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom, the main character Eddie met five people in heaven after he died in a tragic accident while trying to save a girl. The five people explained to him why he lived and what he lived for.

I don't really believe in heaven. I have always thought that heaven is more of a fairy tale. But if there is really one and when I do die and if I get to choose the five people I'm supposed to meet in heaven, I'd choose my beautiful mum as one of them.

So this is how I want my own version of The Five People You Meet In Heaven to be:

"You have to live without love for many years, didn't you?"

I said nothing.

"You felt that it was snatched away, that I left you too soon."

I lowered myself slowly. Her lavander dress was spread before me.

"You did leave too soon mum," I said.

"You were angry with me."

"No."

Her beautiful eyes flashed.

"OK. Yes."

"There was a reason to it all," she said.

"What reason?" I said. "How could there be a reason? You died mum. You were taken away from me. I didn't get a chance to thank you for all you have done for me. I didn't get a chance to take good care of you and give back to you. You were the only person I think of everyday since you were gone. You died. You lost everything and I lost everything. I lost my mum."

She took my hands. "No, you didn't. I was right here. And you loved me anyway. Lost love is still love. It takes a different form, thats all. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move then around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. Your nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it."

"Life has to end," she said. "Love doesn't."

I thought about the years after I buried my mum. It seems like only yesterday. It was like looking over a fence. I remembered my mum told me when I was a little boy, of another kind of life out there, even as I knew I would never be a part of it.

"It is so unfair mum. You shouldn't have gone," I said quietly.

"I know," she said.

"I miss you so much."

"I know." She nodded. "I felt it."

"Here?" I asked.

"Even here," she said smilingly. "That's how strong lost love can be."

She stood and opened a door, and I blinked as I entered behind her. It was a dimply lit room. There was no ceiling, only glittering stars above us.

"I was saving this one," she said.

She held out her arms. It was a small white tube that is roughly around a metre in length. The words EduScience was written on it. A telescope! It was the first telescope that my mum bought for me back then I was 12.

"I thought I will never get to see it again," I said.

"Well, you thought wrong. You did get to see me," she said.

"I never said this to you before mum but thanks for the telescope. Without it, I would have never grew up with a strong passion for astronomy. You know after your death, every night when I looked up at the night sky and when I gazed at the stars, it brought me closer to you. It's like you were looking down back at me, mum."

"Well," she whispered, taking my shoulder, "you always loved those expensive hobbies."

We both smiled.

"Can I ask you something?" I said.

"Yes."

"How come you look the way you looked like when you are young?"

"I thought you would like it this way."

I thought for a moment. "Can you change it?"

"Change it?" She looked amused. "To what?"

"To the end."

She lowered her arms. "I wasn't so pretty at the end."

I shook my head, as if to say not true.

"Could you?"

She took a moment and then she changed. The web of lines beside her eyes, the thinner hair, the looser skin beneath her chin. She smiled and I smiled and she was to me, as beautiful as ever, and I closed my eyes and said for the first time what I'd been feeling from the moment I saw her again: "I don't want to go on. I want to stay here with you mum."

When I opened my eyes, my arms still held her shape but she was gone, and so was everything else...

Happy Mother's Day mum, wherever you are now. I miss you badly.

23 comments:

Gina said...

This is the first time you made me cry while reading your blog.

Lady Lara said...

I'm sure she misses you too.

HUGS

Fannie said...

She's so pretty IZ! Cheer up. She's at a safe place.

Mr Big said...

She is looking down at you all the time.

Shy said...

IZ: You didn't tell me much about your mum before. I can tell now how much she means to you.

xXx said...

Dude, your mum is a babe. Really. I am so sorry she is no longer around. I know it must really hard on you. I am not in your shoes yet so I won't really know how it feels like to lose a mother. All I know is that it sucks to lose someone.

Myra Leong said...

awwwwww

you've touched me iz.

cece said...

poor thing you... btw, its nice to see that you put up your mum's pic...now i know where your cuteness come from.

Boywonder said...

Lovely Mother's Day post. I'm sorry about your loss.

suede said...

shux. this is so touching. reminds me. i shld go tell my mum i lurve her more often.

Cherilyn said...

Your mum misses you n loves u as much that I'm sure and argggggghhh...

u made me shed a tear.

Lisa said...

She's very beautiful.

Essie said...

We all wanna believe that there is a better place where all our loved ones who passed away awaits us.

I just wish that it is really true.

Chuang Shyue Chou said...

It's touching IZ. Take care.

r'chelle said...

She looks lovely. IZ, although she's not around, as long as you keep her close in your heart, she will always be "alive".

dann said...

IZ: She isn't totally gone. Like what r'chelle said, she's in your heart and you carry her everywhere you go. We all mourn our loved ones passing away but there must be a time to move on. Your mum wouldn't want to see you in such a sad state all the time.

dann said...

forgot...

HUGSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Lord Kimbo said...

Beautiful post IZ. Ive got to buy the Five people in heaven book.

mr black said...

Lord Kimbo: I would also recommend his previous book, Tuesdays With Morrie.

suede said...

Pretty mum you got there IZ.

CELLE said...

oh my.. its a gem piece. and yes, i teared too..

Anonymous said...

:) U ain't alone. *hugs*

sifu said...

It has been 16 years since my mum left...and I still missed her...in fact she is dearly missed by my siblings as well.Yes she will be the one person I would like to meet again and thank her for bringing up all of us...for bearing all the suffering for our sake...she is in heaven cos there is nowhere for her to be at for the things that she has done.
Thanks mum...hope to meet you again someday...soon.

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