Tuesday, May 02, 2006

My complaint about The Lightning Party

Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator will randomly generate complaint letters on demand. Just type the name of the person or company/organization you want to complain about and the site does the rest. I decided to give it a try. I typed 'The Lightning Party' and this is what I get:
My complaint about The Lightning Party

In this letter, I'm not going to argue that The Lightning Party has an uncanny knack for making evil appear good and good appear evil. Nor am I going to argue that it uses nepotism as a hammer to forge the wicked, silly peremptory-types who will spawn delusions of opportunism's resplendence quicker than you can double-check the spelling of "establishmentarianism". I'm not going to argue those factors, because they're irrelevant. Instead, I will say only that repeating something over and over does not make it true. Perhaps before going on, I should describe The Lightning Party to you. The Lightning Party is logorrheic, obstinate, and unreasonable. Furthermore, it yearns to undermine the individualistic underpinnings of traditional jurisprudence.

I don't have time to go into this in as much detail as I should, but The Lightning Party teaches workshops on metagrobolism. Students who have been through the program compare it to a Communist re-education camp. The hour is late indeed. Fortunately, it's not yet too late to evaluate the tactics The Lightning Party has used against me.

While I can't speak for anyone else, I think that it seems that no one else is telling you that we must recognize that my prayers go out to everyone who was hurt by The Lightning Party. So, since the burden lies with me to tell you that, I suppose I should say a few words on the subject. To begin with, we must maintain social tranquillity. Only then can a society free of its fatuitous "compromises" blossom forth from the roots of the past. And only then will people come to understand that it likes thinking thoughts that aren't burdensome and that feel good. That's why if we are to put inexorable pressure on The Lightning Party to be a bit more careful about what it says and does, then we must be guided by a healthy and progressive ideology, not by the incontinent and dysfunctional ideologies that The Lightning Party promotes. At the risk of belaboring the obvious, The Lightning Party says that it can absorb mana by devouring its nemeses' brains. You know, it can lie as much as it wants but it can't change the facts. If it could, it'd undoubtedly prevent anyone from hearing that many people respond to its oligophrenic pleas in much the same way that they respond to television dramas. They watch them; they talk about them; but they feel no overwhelming compulsion to do anything about them. That's why I insist we disentangle people from the snares set by it and its sycophants.

I hate The Lightning Party to my very bone marrow. Now that that's cleared up, I'll continue with what I was saying before, that it doesn't want to acknowledge that all it cares about is money. In fact, The Lightning Party would rather block all discussion on the subject. I suppose that's because if it makes fun of me or insults me, I hear it, and it hurts. But I take solace in the fact that I am still able to develop a rational-empirical base for dialogue about its expedients. I am offended by the way The Lightning Party talks down to me. Surprised? You shouldn't be, because The Lightning Party likes to cite poll results that "prove" that honor counts for nothing. Really? Have you ever been contacted by one of its pollsters? Chances are good that you never have been contacted and never will be. Otherwise, the polls would show that even The Lightning Party's patsies are afraid that The Lightning Party will needle and wheedle impolitic miscreants into its coalition some day. I have seen their fear manifested over and over again, and it is further evidence that if The Lightning Party can one day ransack people's homes, then the long descent into night is sure to follow. I must launch an all-out ideological attack against the forces of McCarthyism if we are fully to appreciate the entire menace represented by cranky palookas. In just a moment I'll discuss some important recent developments based on this fundamental truth. First, however, I want to add a bit to what I wrote previously. If anything, in a tacit concession of defeat, The Lightning Party is now openly calling for the abridgment of various freedoms to accomplish coercively what its mudslinging, loud cajoleries have failed at.

The Lightning Party's hijinks are merely a stalking horse. They mask its secret intention to let macabre varmints run rampant through the streets. The Lightning Party's continuous and deliberate misuse of the word "superserviceableness" in an attempt to glamorize drug usage is both vainglorious and petulant. So don't feed me any phony baloney about how it defends the real needs of the working class. That's just not true. Okay, I've written enough for one letter, so let me just finish by saying that The Lightning Party's fulminations are complete and total offal.
BTW, The Lightning Party is a fictitious organization. Please do not confuse it with the PAP. *grins


Anonymous said...

Ha! What an uncanny similarity!!

Anonymous said...

Hey IZ, this is amazing. To think that it is actually randomly generated.

Anonymous said...

haha look wat i got ^.^

In this letter, I want to skip the usual preaching, moralizing, and pontificating and go straight to the facts. Let me start by stressing that I am not attempting to suppress anyone's opinions, nor do I intend to demean P-- personally for its beliefs or worldviews. But I do maintain that I must raise the quality of debate on issues surrounding P--'s unstable, contumelious pleas. Having studied P--'s charges and finding them groundless, I must now tell the world that its serfs internalize and adapt to the unwritten realities they must work under. That's the sort of statement that some people insist is nit-picky, but which I believe is merely a statement of fact. And it's a statement that needs to be made, because its arguments would be a lot more effective if they were at least accurate or intelligent, not just a load of bull for the sake of being controversial. Many people think of PAP's obtrusive practices as a joke, as something only half-serious. In fact, they're deadly serious. They're the tool by which insecure twits will gum up what were once great ideas eventually. A second all-too-serious item is that that fact is simply inescapable to any thinking man or woman. "Thinking" is the key word in the previous sentence.

Look at it from my point of view: My dream is for tired eyes to open and see clearly, broken spirits to find new energy, and weary arms to find the strength to work together towards a shared vision. Our national media is controlled by antisocial, cheeky quiddlers. That's why you probably haven't heard that P--'s complaints are continually evolving into more and more insufferable incarnations. Here, I'm not just talking about evolution in a simply Darwinist sense; I'm also talking about how PAP maintains that character development is not a matter of "strength through adversity" but rather, "entitlement through victimization". This is hardly the case. Rather, there is growing evidence that says, to the contrary, that when I say that its quips are unreasonable, I mean it. I don't mean that they remind me of something unreasonable or that they have one or two unreasonable characteristics. I mean that they are unreasonable. In fact, the most unreasonable thing about them is the way that they prevent people from seeing that P--'s claim that it has the linguistic prowess to produce a masterwork of meritorious literature is not only an attack on the concept of objectivity, but an assault on the human mind. If we don't soon tell P-- to stop what it's doing, it will proceed with its depraved causeries, considerably emboldened by our lack of resistance. We will have tacitly given P-- our permission to do so.

While you or I might find it natural to want to beat P-- at its own game, the point is that if everyone spent just five minutes a day thinking about ways to lead us all toward a better, brighter future, we'd all be a lot better off. Is five minutes a day too much to ask for the promise of a better tomorrow? I sure hope not, but then again, those of us who are still sane, those of us who still have a firm grip on reality, those of us who still suspect that P--'s position that it is a refined organization with the soundest ethics and morals you can imagine is based upon a specious argument without any substantive basis, have an obligation to do more than just observe what it is doing from a safe distance. We have an obligation to condemn its criminal ineptitude. We have an obligation to reverse the devolutionary course it has set for us. And we have an obligation to shoo it away like the annoying bug that it is. P-- is caught up in an irrational belief about its own powers and abilities. Am I aware of how P-- will react when it reads that last sentence? Yes. Do I care? No, because my position is that its vassals don't see the social chaos that will be unleashed if they get their way and numb the public to the despotism and injustice in mainstream politics. P--, in contrast, argues that mediocrity and normalcy are ideal virtues. This disagreement merely scratches the surface of the ideological chasm festering between me and P--. The only rational way to bridge this chasm is for it to admit that I would like nothing more than to knock some sense into it. I could write pages on the subject, but the following should suffice. It has long been obvious to attentive observers that P-- is so lame-brained, I could serve as a human shield for its bombardments. But did you know that education without action creates frustration, while action without education leads to hedonism? P-- doesn't want you to know that because its witticisms have experienced a considerable amount of evolution (or perhaps more accurately, genetic drift) over the past few weeks. They used to be simply mendacious. Now, not only are they both devious and jaded, but they also serve as unequivocal proof that in the Old Testament, the Book of Kings relates how the priests of Baal were slain for deceiving the people. I'm not suggesting that there be any contemporary parallel involving P--, but if history follows its course, it should be evident that chauvinism doesn't work. So why does P-- cling to it? On the surface, it would seem to have something to do with the way that P--'s expedients are inarticulate but reflective of the localized normative attitudes among putrid bottom-feeders. But upon further investigation, one will find that its "I'm right and you're wrong" attitude is lackadaisical, because it leaves no room for compromise. This letter has gone on far too long, in my opinion, and probably yours as well. So let me end it by saying merely that we ought to teach P-- a lesson.

Anonymous said...

>The Lightning Party is a fictitious organization. Please do not confuse it with the PAP. *grins

Hehehe... don't worry...we won't.

Anonymous said...

The opposition should have used this complaint generator. It would have made them sound more intelligent at least.

I happened to catch a bit of Steve Chia's speech last night on TV. I think he's a bit retarded from the way he speaks. He's a little cross-eyed too.

Me wonders how Deng Lianghong is doing btw.