LOWER UTILITY BILLS TO ALMOST NOTHINGBut I have to warn you. No guarantees they will work. Ha!
"This spell is a versatile one, which can cover phone bills, electric, water, sanitation or any other bill you would like lowered," said Mandela.
INGREDIENTS: Voodoo doll wrapped in any utility bill (use tape), whole chicken, 5 yards black yarn, 10 dead flies, 1 cup oatmeal (instant, not slow cook), white candles, Crest toothpaste (Colgate may be substituted).
Step 1: Debone chicken and cut flesh into pieces with razor blade. Place in ceramic (nonmetal) mixing bowl.
Step 2: Clean bones and let dry.
Step 3: Mix remaining ingredients (except candles) with chicken parts. Beat at high speed for 5 minutes.
Step 4: Coat candles with paste. Set into holders fashioned out of bones. For each bothersome bill, light one candle and repeat the following incantation: "Thou art a vile money grubber who overcharges and takes away my hardearned cash that could be spent on better things. I deserve more. I should not be held hostage to you anymore." The next time your statement arrives, it should be substantially lower.
(Thanks Lord Kimbo)